OH! And THIS is great! Calvin's Birthday present to me.......... He asked me today what tampons were. Happy Birthday to me! My first reaction was telling that i will tell him when he was older. But he pressed on, and he seemed to genuinely want to know. So I gave him a VERY dumbed down story about uterus's, and babies, and it helps with things that happen every month. He pretty much looked at me with unblinking eyes the whole time. I thought he might have KIND of "gotten it." But then his last question was: "so since it goes in the place that a penis isn't, is it like... if I am blind and don't have eyes, do I put the tampon there too??"
HOLY CRAP. What my son took away from our heart to heart, I do not know. But I'm hoping I can evade any more questions regarding the subject until he's like 30.
(Breath) moving on... SEA MONKEYS. They were a Christmas present for Calvin from family (I will not name). They sit on the kitchen windowsill and stare at me while I do the dishes. I remember a friend in elementary school having sea monkeys and they were cute and squiggly and you weren't really sure if they were actually a real animal or just some carpet fibers floating in the water. LET ME CLARIFY. They are big, they are gross, and they look like a tadpole and head lice had babies together. They were okay to begin with, but now they are huge and they stare at me with their eyes and it's gross. AND it gets better. Just when I had 20 sea monkeys feeding on algae in my kitchen, THEY HAVE BABIES!! Now I have 50 little gruesome head lice creatures taunting me from their tank. If you have ideas on how to humanely return them to nature, let me know. I thought about dumping them in a lake or pond somewhere but I'm afraid they will mutate into some sort of sea monster. Seriously, let me know if you've solved this dilemma before.
P.S. I was talking to an aunt this week who I normally don't talk to, and she does my mom's side of the family's genealogy AND it turns out that my great great grandmother was an INDIAN PRINCESS. NO JOKE. I'm pretty sure that gives me some whaling rights or free fireworks or something.
Did you notice the finger smudge on the cake? My parents tried to make the fact that the bakery spelled my name wrong less obvious. Love them.